Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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