gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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