The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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