i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
