I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
