guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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