Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
