covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Everything about him screamed your future.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
