i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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