you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
