My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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