1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
