there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
