So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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