my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
