Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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