Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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