i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
