the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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