I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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