i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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