omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its not stalking. its research.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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