i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize