im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
