We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
