He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
