I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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