Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
