I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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