I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
