Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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