Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
