last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
God, I missed his penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
