Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
