I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
