I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
