I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize