Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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