I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
