theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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