Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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