i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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