If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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