When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
