when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
