I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
