Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
