i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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