and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
