3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
