you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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