your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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