All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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