For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
