I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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