Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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