He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
