Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
