We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
