if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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