What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Farmville is her only friend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
