Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
