look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
