it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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