Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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