I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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