i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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