First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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