Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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