I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
